Come in and Burn...
SHAME
I wonder if you can see
I wonder if you can tell
I wonder if you see through the mask I wear so well
I'll never let you know what's going on inside me
My shame locks me down
All the things I wanted tell you
Are all the things I never will
Every time you reached out to me
All I did was push you away
I can't unchain the beast that screams inside me
I hate it, it's what I am
It makes me sick to be so mean
What I've been and what I've seen
From top to bottom, I am obscene
It stands in my place
It spits in my face
Shame
You smile I smile back
You ask me how I am I say I'm fine
I don't know why I'm so torn up inside my mind
The darkness swallows me whole
Don't go too deep, don't ask me why
Don't try to know me, don't make me lie
I wish I didn't know the things I know so well
I try to change but it's what I am
STARVE
I stay out late
I go long
I lose sleep
I go without
I go long
I go all night, go all night
I make the colors go
I push my senses out
I keep my existence lean
I starve
Here I am keen eyed my mind is low to the ground
In my mind real time is mine I know what I know
I step up and get none
I take less and less and less than none
I starve
At the back of my mind I hear the engines whine
Go all night
I make my blood scream
I kiss my fear on the mouth
I make my blood burn
When I step off I go off all the way
When I step off I get off all the way
When I turn my back and walk away
I never come back
I go without I feel the cold but I never come back
I go long - I'm gone
ALL I WANT
When I close my eyes all I see are visions of you
And when I open my eyes
your absence holds me down
I try but I can't shake myself loose
I can't command my brain
All I do is shrink and think of one thing
I'm sitting alone beside me
I'm digging a hole inside myself
All I want is the place I think I've found
When I look into your eyes
All I know is that I'm tired of the world around me
Please don't ignore me
Dedicated, here I am thinking of you
with everything within me
You'll never see me, never feel me
never know these thoughts of mine
In my mind you're always there, always smiling
Always reaching out to me
The days go on with heartache,
the days go on with emptiness
All I want is to somehow matter to you
Even if all else rejects me
All I know is that I'm hammered by the world
around me
Please don't destroy me
I burn down time trying to find a way
to get through to you
I'm standing in line for a hand out
that will never come but still
I don't care
Feeling like, looking like -naked
Here is everything I am
Laid out exposed wide eyed unable to forget you
THE END OF SOMETHING
I don't step on roaches
when they crawl across my floor
If I saw your body burning in the street
I'd put you out with gasoline
When the garbage piles up past my knees
and the rats are running free
I'll say we're even -
you'll know it's the end of something
Touch our fear
Don't be afraid
When the tears from your eyes
that you cried have dried
And there's nothing left to say
When you see that the time
we spent together meant nothing
And you couldn't make me stay
Remember me and my eyes and how they saw you
Remember me and my voice and what I said
It's over and now there's nothing -
it's the end of something
Touch our fear
Don't be afraid
When the laughter dies away and I finally see
that the joke was on me
When the cold wind blows through my clothes
and there's nowhere warm for me to go
When my flesh pulls tight across my bones
And I'm thinking I'd be better off stoned
I'll know - it's the end of something
ON MY WAY TO THE CAGE
On my way to the cage
I'm getting taught a lesson
On my way to the cage
I'm choking on the medicine
On my way to the cage
I'm stepping hard on four leaf clovers
On my way to the cage
I'm learning the same thing over and over
On the way to the cage
I heard the crowd roar
Thoughts of you were long behind me
I couldn't ask for more
The lights are almost blinding
Come closer, see yourself in my eyes
Fear me
On my way to the cage
The taste of blood is in my mouth
On my way to the cage
The fear is in their eyes
On my way to the cage
My animal blood is pure
On my way to the cage
No regrets and no last words
(Chorus)
I've got your world inside my fist
I've got your mind on a string
I've got your soul on a leash
You put yourself above me
But there's something that you've missed
You always say you hate me
But you watch me anyway
It's a pain you can't resist
On my way to the cage
I'm larger than life, laughing at death
On my way to the cage
I'm tripping on pain and feeling fine
On my way to the cage
You're paying your price and I'm paying mine
On my way to the cage
I'm watching you cry and wave goodbye
THURSDAY AFTERNOON
Please let me see the faults my ego denies me
Don't let me grow so tall
I forget the ground beneath me
Don't let me forget
that satisfaction has no friends
That glory's only fleeting - already gone
I've wasted so much time
I'm trying to get it straight in my mind
Don't let me think it's love
when it's only just obsession
I've spent so many nights punching that wall
Show me the difference between decision
and denial
I want to know why I ask why
Let me see my confusion for exactly what it is
Don't let me make my rage a tool of regret
Allow me to sidestep my frustration and hostility
And the violence that comes to me so easily,
too easily
DURING A CITY
I try not to let it get above me
Don't make me
Don't hurt me
Don't push me
Don't confront me
I try to separate real from unreal
Don't make me have to open my eyes
Don't make me have to feel
Crime lights burning like a halo
Sidewalk under my feet
Passing trains below
I keep walking with nothing in my head
Where am I going?
Some nights I walk mile after mile after mile
I need you I need you I want to smile at your smile
Are you out there somewhere looking,
waiting for me?
I'm falling fast falling, falling broken
Reach out and catch me
The city's in my blood like a curse
And the people and the noise make it worse
I can't tell you why there's no place I'd rather be
Where am I going?
Dirty grey city dropping rain down in my dreams
No one knows me
So when you see me
Just walk on by
I'm caving in and I don't know why
There's got to be more than this but I just can't find it
I'm wandering in a city
Unknown to myself
A stranger to everyone I meet
I'm wasted on insomnia
Paranoid to the hilt
Where am I going?
NEON
I want to touch your neon chemical
I want to make you need like an animal
The way you rip my head up
You're my main incinerator
Kick the door down when you come
Tear the roof off when you leave
The scene should be flashing
As you re-appear
Slip into something dangerous
As something I can fear
Lie and say you want me
Lie and say you will
Tell me all the stories
How you love and how you kill
Love me as you kill me
I want to see destruction
I want to feel extinction
Will you smile when the sheets get soaked in blood?
When the saints come crashing in?
Could you do some damage to the shape I'm in?
Ruin this ruin and go to the end
Leave your mark on me
Make an impression
Don't warn me before you cut
The moon reflects off your tools
Love me long
Don't slave me
Don't spit on my blood after I'm gone
SPILLING OVER THE SIDE
Oh man, I can't believe the things I said to you
I must have been out of my mind
Desperation crept in
from all the things I've kept in
I'm sorry I just couldn't help myself
I can tell by look in your eyes
that you think I'm a fool
It's alright, it's too late to turn back now
I'm throwing these lines out
I'm throwing my line out
Hoping you'll bite and drag me in with you
I go so low until I see
It's when I hit the bottom I know for sure
It gets so pathetic when you're lonely
that you'll do anything
I can't believe what I've become
The things I say and do
Loneliness will make you throw your sense away
Here I am trying to get through
Feeling so small
Running my mouth at you
I'm feeling strange like a stranger
I'm here but I know I'm out of there
As close as I get is so far away
Am I coming off like I'm crazy?
My lack of pretense too intense?
Am I telling you more than you want to know?
Oh man, I can't believe the things I said to you
I must have been out of my mind
Landing hard on a Saturday night
Walking down walked on streets
Looking through the windows at good time shows
My loneliness, how it hurts and how it shows
INHALE/EXHALE
Inhale / Resolve
Exhale / Ambition
Inhale / All I need
Exhale / All I want
Inhale / Love of life
Exhale / Fear of death
Inhale / Power
Exhale / Force
I have all I need
I can live without
Inhale / Tolerance
Exhale / Judgement
Inhale / What I am
Exhale / What I think I am
Inhale / Fact
Exhale / Assumption
Inhale / What I want to be
Exhale / How I want to be seen
SAYING GOODBYE AGAIN
There it is on the news
Someone I know is now someone I knew
I can't believe it happened again
Another mound another one down
Pounded by a lie into the ground
My disgust has got no place to go
So sick of saying goodbye again
Rebel in the dirt
What was it worth?
I'm left with grief and so much hurt
So much loss, so much pain
So much sorrow and so much strain
So much anger, so much rage,
No the sadness never fades
You're gone - I'm left to move on
Seems like I'm saying goodbye again
Just last week I saw you hanging out
Who would have known you had two days to live?
I left town and heard that you left too
The difference is that I can come back
So young
Too late
So sad
Too bad
Good bye
REJECTION
I had it wrong for so long in my head
I was walking around like I was dead
All the time my mind was stuck on you
I crawled while you stalled
I was a fool to think we were involved
I guess I needed to believe it so bad
Rejection never felt so good
All the things unclear are now
so well understood
At first I didn't see it as kind
But you did me a favor
when you left me behind
You might not believe it but it's true
It's all the things you never said that told me
all about you
It's things you try to conceal that get revealed
I had to get it wrong before I got it right
I'm not the kind of argue,
I'm not the kind to fight
By the time I got to the truth
I had reached the end
Now I see how you are
Now I see how it is
Now I see what you do
I watch them line up
I watch them fall down
One after one
I see your smile grow and grow
I think to myself
It could've been me
Now I'm alone and I'm burning
I'm hurting like hell but I'm learning
The scars will take me far like they always do
Somehow I'm alright I do believe that I'm alright
DISAPPEARING ACT
I'm distracted not attracted
You attach without connection
As I self serve my diffracted mind
I don't want what I need
I don't care about the scars I leave
Your name and smile a thrown out file
As soon as we break away
Only when I hate you do I really love myself
I will only let you down
I can only fail you
you won't want me then I'll want you
When you come back I won't want you
Pushed and pulled our minds will rip in two
I'm so scared of what I need I don't care
about the scars received
I live in self denial
I'm afraid of what I've got
I don't know why I hate you when you love me
My life's the lies of you and I
I've grown so hard that I deny accusations even
when they're true
My pain is all I trust I don't care
how much I bleed
Don't regret the time you met me
Don't hold the harm I did against me
I don't know why I want to hurt you
when you touch me
Why do you stick around and let me do this?
Why do you stick around for this torture?
Only when I'm with you do I want to be without
Your eyes are the windows
to the emptiness inside me
